BOOBy-Trapped

There was a time when plastic surgery was frowned upon, speculated on, and whispered about. For example, (I'm telling my age now) when I grew up, the big question in the seventies and early eighties was whether or not Dolly Parton's boobs were real. Now-a-days, women are openly discussing and wanting it, and men feel it is okay to voice their desire for wives to get it -- enhancements , that is. It usually happens a year or two after delivery of the children they mutually wanted, knowing full out right, (or maybe not) how much it would change the females' bodies.

First, she gets pregnant. Next, a once small breasted perky person morphs into a suddenly voluptuous vixen donning perfectly round melons. "God is in the heavens, and all is right with the world."

Then the baby is born. And soon thereafter, the boobs, when no longer in use, flop like balloons stuck with a hyperdomic needle. The husband stops drooling. Instead he looks at his once perky partner and exclaims (jokingly of course) that she "looks like one of the African women from the National Geographic Magazine."

And we all know what he is talking about. We all remember our first glimpse of porn. We are in elementary school, and we stumble across the magazine with the topless, tribal women. Instead of being turned on, the boys are turned off... maybe even turned gay at the sight of the long and flat exposed boob with a child dangling waisthigh at the end by its mouth. It gives me shivers to say. In fact it is an image that has probably affected many a female's decision not to breastfeed.

Next, because it is the millinium, and there are no holds bar, the husband feels safe saying that he will pay for a boob job if she really wants it. And she, who, herself, has bought into to the image/lie/expectation is thrilled because she can return her body to a more appeasing body type based on all of the images that tell us what what we are supposed to look like.

However, these day, the news is filled with enough "don't do it" images and stories that would scare anybody -- male or female. a beautiful socialite now looks like a freak-of-nature lion. A once handsome male movie star looks like a play dough come-to-life character best suited for Ironman's evil villain. There are images of lumpy, uneven breasts and stories of fungus infested silicone pouches seeping out and poisoning women's bodies. The wife is not so sure she is on board.

Oh, but he is. He misses all of her clues, hints, and omissions and keeps talking about "when she can get it done. And when finally that day comes, when he says he wants to get it for her birthday present, she finally admits she never really wanted it.

Suddenly, it is like a vacuum has sucked all the sound out of the room.

After the momentary uncomfortable silence, "I thought it is what you wanted?"

Deep breath. "No, it's what you wanted. I never said I wanted one."

Silence, followed by, "But you always close the door when you are dressing, and you always want the light out."

It is amazing to the female that he does not understand that she hides because she does not want to be ridiculed even in jest. He thinks it is because she is ashamed. Maybe she is to a certain extent, but only with him.

Some say "men are from Mars and women are from Venus." Perhaps that is truly what's going on.  Men can and do say anything that they are feeling. But a female would never joke about a man's body or laugh at it during the most vulnerable time when one is completely unclad, especially it it has its ups and downs. She would not suggest that he go out and get enhancement surgery... or even hint at the little blue prescription. The implication alone is enough to ruin a relationship. So, we just wait patiently and pray for them to figure it out on  their own.

Meanwhile, women are absolutely thrilled that men are open enough and caring enough to have the conversation about their female bodies because it shows they care? Or maybe it's because they know they won't mind that $8,000 expense (from the same person who tenses at the purchase of much needed shoes). Hmm.

It leaves me thinking back to the Natioal Geographic tribal ladies. Maybe we should actually be aspiring to be like them. They have no shame, and obviously their men don't have a problem with it either. Instead of "fixing" ouselves, maybe we should learn to accept nature's intentions all strive to be flat, droopy, and proud!